Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Greer Bowen Beaty: Raising my Kids without TV
One day about two-and-a-half years ago I decided that my children weren't going to watch television anymore. Yes, you read that correctly. No more TV. At the time, I had no idea how staggering an effect this change would have on our lives. Today I know that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but it hasn't been easy.
It was on a November afternoon — peak season for holiday wish lists — I overheard my then 3-year-old daughter say, "I want that," about some piece of pink plastic that was being advertised on television. My overly-generous 5-year-old son turned to her and replied, "OK, you can have it." That was when I knew the commercials had to go.
"I can't keep the world at bay forever, but maybe we can make it through kindergarten and first grade."
G.B.B.
So, I made the proclamation that there would be no more TV. "If you want to watch something," I said, "it has to be a video." Then came the arguments about which video to watch, and the proclamation changed to: "If you want to watch a video, you must choose one that you agree on." Pretty soon, the kids just stopped asking to watch altogether.
That's when I began to see the changes in our lifestyle. At first, they were subtle. My children began to play together more and fight less. Instead of acting out familiar movies or TV shows, they started creating stories of their own. My son had fewer tantrums. We lived through entire weekends with no TV — and didn't miss it.
Keep in mind, I was never a fanatic about this. If my kids were sick, or if the weather was terrible for days on end, we'd put in a video. And this winter, when the coldest weather hit, we rented a movie as a family, and my children thought that was the greatest treat we'd had in months.
Apparently, my anecdotal experiences with limited TV-viewing are supported by many childhood development experts, who agree that children should watch less television. One recent study conducted by Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a researcher at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, makes the case that the speed at which the images change on TV causes a child's brain to respond so quickly that children's brains are actually "re-wired" after prolonged exposure. As a result, Christakis reports, children who watch a great deal of TV are more likely to be diagnosed with attention disorders.
Of course, I didn't know any of this when I cut off the TV in my house. But the changes I've witnessed certainly support those research findings. So, too, do the comments of other parents (and the guy at the video store) who lament that today's children can't seem to sit through older movies because they move too slowly and don't hold a child's attention. Now that TV is a rare and special treat in my house, my children are fascinated by it. They can, and will, watch the oldest and slowest of children's movies, eyes aglow with wonder and awe.
Other benefits emerged, as well. My children aren't interested in fads the way they were when they saw TV commercials every afternoon. They're aware of what's out there — they hear about toys and food and fashion from friends — but they don't seem to care. Now, when they talk about something they want, I know they are motivated by something more substantial than a savvy marketing plan.
Most important, I feel like, in some small way, I am protecting my children. The evening news is not for children; breaking news is especially not for children. The trials and tribulations of the world will find them soon enough. For a little while — just a little while — I want them to be shielded from the very adult concepts of war, crime, hatred and sex. I can't keep the world at bay forever, but maybe we can make it through kindergarten and first grade.
I'd always been a vigilant TV mother. My kids watched mostly what could be described as "educational programming." Now I know that I'd used those programs as a parenting crutch. If I wanted to talk on the phone or read a book or cook dinner without the "help" of my children, the TV had occupied them.
When I unplugged the babysitter, I needed a new plan. The one I came up with was simple: Encourage old-fashioned play. That's right. Non-structured, super-messy, don't-read-the-instructions play. We didn't fill the time with lessons; we set up an art table with coloring books and reams of plain white paper. Now, imagination rules the roost.
My daughter lives in a princess world of pink. A world full of dolls and dress-up and adventures of her own making in which she is the smartest and most beautiful girl in the world. My son lives in LEGO-land, a smallish territory just across the border from skateboard country.
We make the backyard a jungle or an ocean or a volcano, complete with hose-powered waterfalls and mudpies. We paint and we glue. We make birdfeeders and catch bugs and dig for worms. And, yes, I do tons and tons of laundry.
I can't wait for the summer! I know that we will use more bug spray than every other family in my neighborhood — possibly put together — because we will be outside counting flowers, growing vegetables and watching to see how long it takes the ants to find the breadcrumbs. My house will be dirty, and my children will be messy. But we will be a closer, more active family for it.
I don't know if the no-TV rule would work for anyone else. But it works for us. I rest at night knowing that my children are making memories that don't have anything to do with whoever the popular cartoon character of the day is. And I rest at night knowing me and mine are just plain tired. And that's a good feeling to have.
Greer Bowen Beaty is a working mother of two and lives in Cary, North Carolina. This article first appeared in Carolina Parent, www.carolinaparent.com in June 2005. Reprinted with permission.
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| Greer Bowen Beaty
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Dancing Heroes
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Mr and Mrs Vincent Tie Celebrating with Champaign opening!
ROM Wedding of Vincent and Dawn. Solemnizing ceremony.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Motivational Quote of the Day
- Brian Tracy
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The NKF Affairs - Part 2
This is part 2!
http://us.f1f.yahoofs.com/bc/4d461f0e/bc/Videos/nkfaffairs_pt2_CW.wmv?bfW5g3CBVltb6b7g
The NKF Affairs
One of the best spoof I ever seen!
http://us.f1f.yahoofs.com/bc/4d461f0e/bc/Videos/nkfaffairs_CW.wmv?bfW5g3CBgoa8Lvhx
Ask Uncle Seng: I don’t want to run to my death!
Shamelessly copied from http://nineaugust.blogspot.com/2005/07/ask-uncle-seng-i-dont-want-to-run-to.html
Senseless advice for the insane world
Dear Uncle Seng,
The IPPT is just around the corner and my Sergeant is promising more running sessions ahead of us. I heard that more and more soldiers have died of sudden heart attack each year. 19 guys in 9 years – that’s at least 2 per year! I’m concerned that I might be the next guy! Initially I have planned to go through a thorough health screening at the Medical Center. But I read on the newspapers that even the Defense Minister feel that such deaths cannot be completely prevented, even with health screenings and safety measures! Do you know that the survival rate for such a sudden heart attack is 2 to 4 percent?
Jezuz! I don’t want to die so young, and not in an army camp! Uncle Seng, you have to help me! Please! Before it is too late!
Worried Soldier
Worried Soldier,
To survive the tough training, you have to take responsibility for your own well-being. The main point is, do not push yourself too hard. If your Sergeant said that his grandmother can run faster than you, request to have her replace your place and run on your behalf. By doing this, you are showing that you respect that his grandmother is a good runner, and he would feel proud about it. Who knows, he might even arrange for you to meet his grandmother so that you could learn from her!However, if your Sergeant’s grandmother is not available to run on your behalf, you should take note of these pointers during the training:
Water is the vital ingredient in the prevention of heat injury. Drink more water before the run. If you have forgotten to do so, try to save up some precious saliva and swallow them sparingly throughout the whole journey
Even if the run is held in the early hours, avoid taking coffee before the run. Caffeine has a diuretic effect. Anyway, you would be too busy to fall asleep during the run
Avoid dark clothing which absorbs heat. If unfortunately your unit t-shirt is dark-colored, pretend that you forgot to wear it for the run and wear a white Nike Dri-Fit T-Shirt instead. It is better to be punished than to be dead, right?
Eliminate side-aches by breathing more equally when running. Do not breath too deeply, or too shallow. One tip is to keep some song in your head. However, if you have to stop running to recall the lyrics, choose another song
Ensure that your heart beat is constant. If you see Sergeant Lucy at the opposite side of the road and you start to hear your heart beat going fast and loud, stop immediately!
Good luck and God bless.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
News of the day!!!
By Bertha Henson
July 12, 2005
The Straits Times
A CLOSELY guarded secret of the National Kidney Foundation (NKF) was finally made public yesterday: the salary of its chief executive T.T. Durai.
Gasps could be heard in the courtroom when it was revealed that on top of his $25,000 a month salary, he also received 10 to 12 months in yearly bonuses. That makes his annual salary between $550,000 and $600,000, or $1.8 million in total over the past three years.
This fact, and the disclosure that he had flown first class on NKF's funds, emerged on Day 1 of NKF's defamation suit against Singapore Press Holdings (SPH).
The NKF, which is entirely dependent on public funds, offers dialysis treatment to kidney patients. Two out of every three Singaporeans contribute to it.
It is taking issue with a Straits Times article by senior correspondent Susan Long published on April 19 last year, which stated that a gold-plated tap had been installed and later replaced in the private bathroom in Mr Durai's office suite.
The NKF and Mr Durai contend that this was not the case and that the words in the article, 'The NKF: Controversially ahead of its time?', had damaged their reputation by implying that donors' funds were being misused. The hearing yesterday was delayed by the NKF's application for special damages of $3.24 million, which it claimed was what it lost in donations following the publication of the article. Justice Tan Lee Meng threw out the application and ordered the NKF to pay SPH's legal cost for its last-minute move.
At the hearing, Senior Counsel Davinder Singh, acting for SPH, noted that the tap in question cost $990, expensive by his standards although Mr Durai did not agree. The lawyer sought to show that the NKF was neither honest nor transparent about the way it uses donors' funds.
He told the court he had to ask the NKF three times, twice through the courts, to have the salary of its CEO made public.
Mr Durai, represented by Senior Counsel Michael Khoo, was the only witness who took the stand yesterday. Among those in the gallery was NKF patron, Mrs Goh Chok Tong, wife of the Senior Minister, who left midway through the hearing.
Mr Durai argued that he was not required by law to tell the public what he earned, even though he conceded that they paid his salary. Also, he wanted to protect his personal privacy.
Mr Singh asked: 'The man who earns $1,000 a month who donates $50... every month thinking that it is going to save lives, should they not know that that is the kind of money you earn?' Replied Mr Durai: 'I don't see the need for him to know.' He denied Mr Singh's charge that he refused to disclose his salary as he knew he would lose moral authority with donors.
Mr Durai's travel perks also came under scrutiny.
Not only had the NKF maintained consistently - as recently as in the April 19 article - that none of its executives flew first class, it had threatened to sue people who said Mr Durai did so.
At least two people have had to apologise publicly and pay damages and costs for saying they had seen Mr Durai travel first class, as the NKF said this implied he was wasting donors' funds.
Under questioning, he admitted he had flown first class on some airlines. His explanation: The NKF board allowed this as long as he did not bust the Singapore Airlines business-class rate.
Mr Singh countered: 'Isn't it your duty as a trustee of people's monies to make sure that you get best value on a business-class seat instead of deploying this clever tactic... using it for first class on another plane?'
Mr Durai replied: 'This is a decision made by the board. I used the entitlement.' The entitlement, he added, kicked in only in the past two years. Previously, when he flew first class, he had paid the difference out of his own pocket, he maintained.
Mr Singh noted that although he now flew first class, Mr Durai did not correct his chairman Richard Yong's assertion in the April 19 article that 'there is no such thing as first-class travel'.
'The reason you hide the truth is because you know that that is the wrong thing to do, using people's money, and you know that is mismanagement of donations.'
Mr Durai was asked if he should now 'do the right thing' by the two individuals who had paid him damages and costs for saying what he had now admitted in court. He said no, sticking to his claim that at that time, he did not travel first class using NKF funds and when he did so, he paid the difference himself.
At last, Some good news about Singapore footballers
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal.
Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
An Inspiring speech from Carly Fiorina
Fiorina's Commencement Address
Here's what she told the graduates and their guests at the North Carolina Agricultural & Technical State University on May 7Thank you, Chancellor, and good morning. I'd like to join Chancellor Renick in welcoming all of you to the 114th commencement exercises of North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. My fellow job seekers: I am honored to be among the first to congratulate you on completing your years at North Carolina A&T. But all of you should know: as Mother's Day gifts go, this one is going to be tough to beat in the years ahead.
The purpose of a commencement speaker is to dispense wisdom. But the older I get, the more I realize that the most important wisdom I've learned in life has come from my mother and my father. Before we go any further, let's hear it one more time for your mothers and mother figures, fathers and father figures, family, and friends in the audience today. When I first received the invitation to speak here, I was the CEO of an $80 billion Fortune 11 company with 145,000 employees in 178 countries around the world. I held that job for nearly six years. It was also a company that hired its fair share of graduates from North Carolina A&T. You could always tell who they were. For some reason, they were the ones that had stickers on their desks that read, "Beat the Eagles." But as you may have heard, I don't have that job anymore. After the news of my departure broke, I called the school, and asked: do you still want me to come and be your commencement speaker? Chancellor Renick put my fears to rest. He said, "Carly, if anything, you probably have more in common with these students now than you did before." And he's right.
After all, I've been working on my resume. I've been lining up my references. I bought a new interview suit. If there are any recruiters here, I'll be free around 11. I want to thank you for having me anyway. This is the first public appearance I've made since I left HP. I wanted very much to be here because this school has always been set apart by something that I've believed very deeply; something that takes me back to the earliest memories I have in life. One day at church, my mother gave me a small coaster with a saying on it. During my entire childhood, I kept this saying in front of me on a small desk in my room. In fact, I can still show you that coaster today.
It says: "What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God." Those words have had a huge impact on me to this day. What this school and I believe in very deeply is that when we think about our lives, we shouldn't be limited by other people's stereotypes or bigotry. Instead, we should be motivated by our own sense of possibility. We should be motivated by our own sense of accomplishment. We should be motivated by what we believe we can become. Jesse Jackson has taught us; Ronald McNair taught us; the Greensboro Four taught us; that the people who focus on possibilities achieve much more in life than people who focus on limitations.
The question for all of you today is: how will you define what you make of yourself? To me, what you make of yourself is actually two questions. There's the "you" that people see on the outside. And that's how most people will judge you, because it's all they can see – what you become in life, whether you were made President of this, or CEO of that, the visible you. But then, there's the invisible you, the "you" on the inside. That's the person that only you and God can see. For 25 years, when people have asked me for career advice, what I always tell them is don't give up what you have inside. Never sell your soul – because no one can ever pay you back. What I mean by not selling your soul is don't be someone you're not, don't be less than you are, don't give up what you believe, because whatever the consequences that may seem scary or bad -- whatever the consequences of staying true to yourself are -- they are much better than the consequences of selling your soul. You have been tested mightily in your life to get to this moment. And all of you know much better than I do: from the moment you leave this campus, you will be tested.
You will be tested because you won't fit some people's pre-conceived notions or stereotypes of what you're supposed to be, of who you're supposed to be. People will have stereotypes of what you can or can't do, of what you will or won't do, of what you should or shouldn't do. But they only have power over you if you let them have power over you. They can only have control if you let them have control, if you give up what's inside. I speak from experience. I've been there. I've been there, in admittedly vastly different ways -- and in many ways, in the fears in my heart, exactly the same places. The truth is I've struggled to have that sense of control since the day I left college. I was afraid the day I graduated from college. I was afraid of what people would think. Afraid I couldn't measure up. I was afraid of making the wrong choices. I was afraid of disappointing the people who had worked so hard to send me to college. I had graduated with a degree in medieval history and philosophy.
If you had a job that required knowledge of Copernicus or 12th Century European monks, I was your person. But that job market wasn't very strong. So, I was planning to go to law school, not because it was a lifelong dream – because I thought it was expected of me. Because I realized that I could never be the artist my mother was, so I would try to be the lawyer my father was. So, I went off to law school. For the first three months, I barely slept. I had a blinding headache every day. And I can tell you exactly which shower tile I was looking at in my parent's bathroom on a trip home when it hit me like a lightning bolt. This is my life. I can do what I want. I have control. I walked downstairs and said, "I quit." I will give my parents credit in some ways. That was 1976. They could have said, "Oh well, you can get married." Instead, they said, "We're worried that you'll never amount to anything."
It took me a while to prove them wrong. My first job was working for a brokerage firm. I had a title. It was not "VP." It was "receptionist." I answered phones, I typed, I filed. I did that for a year. And then, I went and lived in Italy, teaching English to Italian businessmen and their families. I discovered that I liked business. I liked the pragmatism of it; the pace of it. Even though it hadn't been my goal, I became a businessperson. I like big challenges, and the career path I chose for myself at the beginning was in one of the most male-dominated professions in America. I went to work for AT&T. It didn't take me long to realize that there were many people there who didn't have my best interests at heart. I began my career as a first level sales person within AT&T's long lines department. Now, "long lines" is what we used to call the long distance business, but I used to refer to the management team at AT&T as the "42 longs" – which was their suit size, and all those suits – and faces – looked the same. I'll never forget the first time my boss at the time introduced me to a client. With a straight face, he said "this is Carly Fiorina, our token bimbo."
I laughed, I did my best to dazzle the client, and then I went to the boss when the meeting was over and said, "You will never do that to me again." In those early days, I was put in a program at the time called the Management Development Program. It was sort of an accelerated up-or-out program, and I was thrown into the middle of a group of all male sales managers who had been there quite a long time, and they thought it was their job to show me a thing or two. A client was coming to town and we had decided that we were getting together for lunch to introduce me to this customer who was important to one of my accounts.
Now the day before this meeting was to occur, one of my male colleagues came to me and said, "You know, Carly, I'm really sorry. I know we've had this planned for a long time, but this customer has a favorite restaurant here in Washington, D.C., and they really want to go to that restaurant, and we need to do what the customer wants, and so I don't think you'll be able to join us." "Why is that?" I asked. Well, the restaurant was called the Board Room. Now, the Board Room back then was a restaurant on Vermont Avenue in Washington, D.C., and it was a strip club. In fact, it was famous because the young women who worked there would wear these completely see-through baby doll negligees, and they would dance on top of the tables while the patrons ate lunch. The customer wanted to go there, and so my male colleagues were going there. So I thought about it for about two hours. I remember sitting in the ladies room thinking, "Oh God, what am I going to do? And finally I came back and said, "You know, I hope it won't make you too uncomfortable, but I think I'm going to come to lunch anyway." Now, I have to tell you I was scared to death.
So the morning arrived when I had to go to the Board Room and meet my client, and I chose my outfit carefully. I dressed in my most conservative suit. I carried a briefcase like a shield of honor. I got in a cab. When I told the taxi driver where I wanted to go he whipped around in his seat and said, "You're kidding right?" I think he thought I was a new act. In any event, I arrived, I got out, I took a deep breath, I straightened my bow tie, and went in the door - and you have to picture this - I go into the door, there's a long bar down one side, there's a stage right in front of me, and my colleagues are sitting way on the other side of the room. And there's a live act going on the stage. The only way I could get to them was to walk along that stage. I did. I looked like a complete idiot. I sat down, we had lunch. Now, there are two ends to that story. One is that my male colleagues never did that to me again. But the other end to the story, which I still find inspiring, is that all throughout lunch they kept trying to get those young women to dance in their negligees on top of our table -- and every one of those young women came over, looked the situation over and said, "Not until the lady leaves." It even followed me to HP.
As you may know, the legend of HP is that it began in a garage. When I took over, we launched a get-back-to-basics campaign we called "the rules of the garage." A fellow CEO at a competitor saw that and decided to do a skit about me. In front of the entire financial analyst and media community, he had an actress come out with blond hair and long red nails and flashy clothes, and had a garage fall on her head. It made big headlines locally. It made me feel a lot like the "token bimbo" all over again. I know all of you have your own stories. When you challenge other people's ideas of who or how you should be, they may try to diminish and disgrace you. It can happen in small ways in hidden places, or in big ways on a world stage. You can spend a lifetime resenting the tests, angry about the slights and the injustices. Or, you can rise above it. People's ideas and fears can make them small – but they cannot make you small. People's prejudices can diminish them – but they cannot diminish you. Small-minded people can think they determine your worth.
But only you can determine your worth. At every step along the way, your soul will be tested. Every test you pass will make you stronger. But let's not be naïve. Sometimes, there are consequences to not selling your soul. Sometimes, there are consequences to staying true to what you believe. And sometimes, those consequences are very difficult. But as long as you understand the consequences and accept the consequences, you are not only stronger as a result, you're more at peace. Many people have asked me how I feel now that I've lost my job. The truth is, I'm proud of the life I've lived so far, and though I've made my share of mistakes, I have no regrets. The worst thing I could have imagined happened. I lost my job in the most public way possible, and the press had a field day with it all over the world. And guess what? I'm still here. I am at peace and my soul is intact. I could have given it away and the story would be different.
But I heard the word of Scripture in my head: "What benefit will it be to you if you gain the whole world, but lose your soul?" When people have stereotypes of what you can't do, show them what you can do. When they have stereotypes of what you won't do, show them what you will do. Every time you pass these tests, you learn more about yourself. Every time you resist someone else's smaller notion of who you really are, you test your courage and your endurance. Each time you endure, and stay true to yourself, you become stronger and better. I do not know any of you personally. But as a businessperson and a former CEO, I know that people who have learned to overcome much can achieve more than people who've never been tested. And I do know that this school has prepared you well.
After all, North Carolina A&T graduates more African Americans with engineering degrees than any other school in the United States. It graduates more African American technology professionals than any other school. It graduates more African American women who go into careers in science, math, and technology than any other school. Your motto is right: North Carolina A&T is truly a national resource and a local treasure. And Aggie Pride is not just a slogan – it's a hard-earned fact! Never sell your education short. And the fact that this school believed in you means you should never sell yourself short. What I have learned in 25 years of managing people is that everyone possesses more potential than they realize. Living life defined by your own sense of possibility, not by others notions of limitations, is the path to success. Starting today, you are one of the most promising things America has to offer: you are an Aggie with a degree.
My hope is that you live life defined by your own sense of possibility, your own sense of worth, your own sense of your soul. Define yourself for yourself, not by how others are going to define you – and then stick to it. Find your own internal compass. I use the term compass, because what does a compass do? When the winds are howling, and the storm raging, and the sky is so cloudy you have nothing to navigate by, a compass tells you where true North is. And I think when you are in a lonely situation, you have to rely on that compass. Who am I? What do I believe?
Do I believe I am doing the right thing for the right reason in the best way that I can? Sometimes, that's all you have. And always, it will be enough. Most people will judge you by what they see on the outside. Only you and God will know what's on the inside. But at the end of your life, if people ask you what your greatest accomplishment was, my guess is, it will be something that happened inside you, that no one else ever saw, something that had nothing to do with outside success, and everything to do with how you decide to live in the world. What you are today is God's gift to you.
What you make of yourself is your gift to God. He is waiting for that gift right now. Make it something extraordinary.
Monday, July 04, 2005
An Eulogy for my late grandma from Yvette
我感谢上帝赐给我一位这么好的外婆。她陪伴我走过二十年人生的道路。在这短短的二十年里，我们建立了如胶似漆的关系。我常和她开玩笑，还给她取个外号叫“梁婆婆”。她象梁婆婆，常背着一个大包包常背着一个大包包走来走去。外婆的生活很朴素。她的衣着和饮食都很简单。她也是一位处处为人着想的人。例如说在用餐时，她只会夹一两块肉和几片菜。乘下的就会让给我们儿孙吃。外婆舍己为人,连最简单的事都做得最好。比如说, 她帮我们折衣服，洗碗和喂BABY都很细心。外婆时常也和我们儿孙谈天，告诉我们她的生活经历，就如她怎样度过日军时期。当她还住在BLK 14 ST GEORGE 的那段日子，她每天清晨都会到附近的草场散步和老人谈天。外婆爱吃我妈妈炒的米粉和巴刹里卖的水粿。外婆喜爱观看潮州戏剧和第 8波道 的连戏剧，例如包清天。在上个学期，外婆的身体渐渐衰退，但她还佬远从SENG KANG 下来，说要在我身旁和我一起度过考试。听了之后，我心里非常感动。当她知道她曾孙智和生病时，她尽量去到SEMBAWANG照顾他。当我姐姐还是个婴孩时，我外婆常告诉我们她得从十二楼抱我姐姐到组屋楼下我姐姐才肯吃饭。我的外婆对我们全家人无微不至的关怀和付出乃是没齿不忘的。虽然外婆已经不在我们当中了，但我们的心是充满平安的。因为我们的外婆已经在耶稣的怀抱里了，不再受肉体上的痛苦和世上的劳苦重担。我们也深知与外婆的分离是短斩的。因为耶稣应许我们全家人有一天能够在天堂相聚。至此，我要在这儿代表我们全家再说一次“AH MA 我们很爱你，也很想你，你在我们的心中是最好的外婆！”
Saturday, July 02, 2005
